Monday, June 15, 2009

Something to Say

I wish I had something more to say.
I feel like I'm not blogging enough lately. I really feel like my life isn't worthy of blogging lately. I get up, I go to work, I come home, I get the kids dinner, give them a bath, send them to bed, I relax, I fall asleep. Start over 9 hours later.
Is this really my life?
Just 1 year ago I was going for walks to the library, catching frogs at the pond, reading 2 books a week, having picnic lunches in the back yard, sewing everyday. I truly miss that.
I know that I need to work right now, but why couldn't I have just 1 more year?
One more year with my babies while they're still little.
One more year of enjoying the fun times on a daily basis.
One more year before both of them are in school full time.
I want a reason to write here everyday. I don't feel like writing about my job as a customer service rep. I feel like writing about my real life, my life here with my family, the life that I feel like I'm missing by being away all day long.
My weekends are too short. This life is too short.
As my friend once said to me "the days are long but the years are short." My Jakey is almost 5 and Emma's going into 1st grade. The next thing I know they'll be in high school. Then what?
I know it's a long way to go, but then what will my life bring?
When they no longer need me, what will I be doing?
Maybe I'm just being a bit paranoid, or depressed, or guilty, but I can't help but want to spend as much time with them while they still want me to.
Some day, sooner than I want, it will be just a memory.

2 comments:

Laura Brann said...

It's hard for young moms to leave their little ones with other people when you work so hard to have them. It's hard to know you can't be there for their "firsts" or when they get a boo-boo on their knee; to laugh with them when they are blowing bubbles or twirling a hula-hoop. There oughta be a law......huh?

Alison Douglass Photography said...

It is hard to be away, but part of what you have to remind yourself is that you are working to provide for them. You are teaching them about hard work and responsibility and making tough choices.
J and I have recently realized how quick time goes by. We don't have a choice but to work,so we are making the most of the time we do have with the kids. The house may be a bit of a mess, the grass might get a little long, but the time with the kids means so much more. You do what you can with what you are given. That is what they will remember and hang on to.